IN MEMORIAM - ISLAM ELKARYONEY

12 Year Old Boy Kills Himself When Court Mandates Visit With Abusive Father – Mother Wants His Memory to Have Meaning Towards Changing the System

On Tuesday, October 25, 2005, Islam Elkaryoney, a twelve year old boy hung himself, choosing death over the prospect of a court mandated visitation with his father. The tragedy of his death is overshadowed by the tragedy of his life, which was fraught with violence at the hands of an abusive father and the unwillingness of the courts to protect him.

According to Danielle Lough's advocate, Sandra Ramos, who is the Founder and Executive Director of Strengthen Our Sisters shelter for battered women and children, Danielle and her three young sons lived in terror for several years. Not only were the children subjected to witnessing their mother being brutally beaten repeatedly by their father, but they were themselves were victims of his wild abuse. In August of 1998, Danielle confided with a friend that she feared for her children's lives, after her oldest son Islam had been hung upside down in a twisted sheet and beaten with a stick on the bottoms of his feet by his father. Her friend called Sandra Ramos and Strengthen Our Sisters took in the distraught mother and her children. Shortly after their arrival to the shelter, Danielle applied for and was granted a restraining order and believed she and her children would finally be protected. However, an appeal was filed by the father and the court ordered unsupervised visitation, despite Danielle's pleas to have these visits monitored.

All too often, the children would come back from the visitations with bumps and bruises, obviously disturbed and begging not to have to go again. This went on for years. Danielle would petition the courts seeking help for her children, showing photographs of the bruises and would request supervised visitation, which would be granted but then always overturned when the father and his expensive attorney would go to the court and protest. At one point Islam, at the age of 8, who was the recipient of the most extreme abuse, experienced a breakdown and spent 19 days at St. Clare's Hospital in Denville, NJ. The psychiatrist's report to the court stated Islam was experiencing post-traumatic stress disorder, attention deficit disorder, and extreme depression from the abuse he had experienced and witnessed over the years.

Finally, in May 2005, the judge mandated psychiatric evaluations for the entire family to determine whether the children should be forced to continue visitations with their father. Danielle and her three sons heartily embraced this opportunity to have someone finally understand what they had endured and present their evaluations to the court. However, the father left the country and did not return for five months. During this time, he was served with contempt papers for failing to comply with the ordered psychological evaluation. His excuse was that he had only expected to be gone for two weeks, to tend to his ailing mother (who according to Danielle he had previously declared dead to the INS in 1994, when he wanted to leave the country and be able to return), but that he had been further delayed due to a car accident. He had also testified in another courtroom, two weeks prior to leaving the country, that he was anxious to get the evaluation over with, as he was planning on being away for several months. On July 18, 2005 the judge called the family back into court to assess the evaluations, but since the father was still in Egypt, he ordered his parenting visitation time suspended, stating his reasons were based on the father's contempt, and on his assessment and review of the psychiatrist letter to the court. This letter stated the children had clearly been subjected to abuse and that they should be able to make their own choices about visitation. The letter also stated that the judges formal recommendation would take place after he actually had the opportunity to meet with the father.

On September 8, 2005, the father asked the judge to vacate the order of July 18, 2005, at which time the judge stated he would review all orders and documentation on October 21, 2005.

After leaving the shelter, Danielle met and married her current husband and gave birth to another son. Danielle, her husband and her children longed to move away from the area and go to Kansas where Danielle had grown up, and where there were supportive relatives. On October 7, 2005, Danielle put in a request to the court to relocate with children to Kansas City, at which time the judge arbitrarily vacated the July 18, 2005 order and mandated supervised visitation for the father, despite the fact that he did not yet have a full report. Danielle's attorney protested and said that no visitation should be granted until the court had the full psychiatric profile of the father. The judge denied his appeal.

Danielle reported that when she broke the news to her children that they would have to see their father, she assured them that the visit would be supervised. The two younger boys protested but then reluctantly agreed. Islam; however, was beside himself and kept saying that they can't make me see him. She said he was extremely agitated over the next few days, so she called the psychiatrist's office to ask that he intervene and make an appeal to the judge, on behalf of her son. Regrettably, before any of this could happen, Islam went into his room the next day and hung himself, choosing death over the prospects of being forced to be with his torturer.

Hesia Rosenberg, Director of the Circle of Life Organization, has been working tirelessly to help make the public more aware of what the courts are not doing to protect children like Islam. "I have received letters from Florida to Washington, Texas and Tennessee and they continue to pour in. New Jersey is not an isolated state when it comes to corruption. All states are amassed with judicial and legal corruption, and we have to stop it." She recommended that people watch a new PBS documentary scheduled to air on November 20, 2005, entitled "Breaking the Silence", to educate themselves on this national scandal of how the courts are neglecting their duty to protect our most vulnerable, abused women and children.

In 2000, Jill Soderman was a volunteer at Strengthen Our Sisters. She was a licensed therapist and clinical social worker, having over 33 years experience as a non-biased expert witness in many domestic violence cases in New York and New Jersey. Jill attempted to intervene, on behalf of Danielle's children, after interviewing them in the presence of their father. She reported to the court at that time that she felt the children were in grave danger. After reporting such, Jill was harassed on a daily basis by receiving hundreds of phone calls with male voices, muttering in a language she did not understand. This harassment continued, as she persisted in trying to get help for the children, when her house suddenly burned down. Though the perpetrator was never found, she was told by police and firemen that it had clearly been a case of arson. Ironically, the house where Danielle and her children lived was also burned down.

Jill Soderman is currently involved in a second doctoral program involving forensic evaluation and psychoanalysis cases, with particular emphasis on the role of the expert witness. She originally saw the children with Danielle, while they were residing at the shelter and had lined up many witnesses, such as teachers and principles, as well as friends. Jill was never allowed to testify in court, nor was her witnesses, some of whom claimed to have been threatened as well. Instead, she was discredited and so was Danielle by a court appointed evaluator, who claimed that the children had been brainwashed. According to Jill, this evaluator remained a protagonist of the father throughout many of the court hearings, though he was never subpoenaed. It was his claims that brought the Division of Youth and Family Services (DYFS) into the case. DYFS did not want to accept custody of the children and so transferred custody to the father, who brought them back to their mother after three weeks, claiming they were incorrigible. It was at this time that Islam had a breakdown and was brought to St. Clare's Hospital in Denville, NJ, claiming that he and his brothers had been beaten and brutalized by his father, while in his care.

Jill claims she was convinced she had to help the children after her extended interview with them. In the presence of their father, he would read the Koran aloud while the children talked to Jill about the abuse, which included being put into suitcases and beaten. On one occasion, she witnessed their mother bringing them for a mandated weekend visit with their father, who was waiting in a car outside with another man. When the children saw him, they ran in all different directions, screaming that they did not want to go with him. The father then called the police and because of the court ordered documentation, the police had no choice but to chase the children through the streets and force them into the car with their father. Jill said that one of the policemen commented that the event should have been video tapped and presented to a judge. At that time the children were ages four, five and six.

Bereft and distraught with grief over the loss of her son, Danielle requested that Islam's father not be present at the funeral but to be permitted to visit the mosque at a private time. The same judge who ordered the dreaded visitation said he would put in an order to suspend visitation with the other two children. However, a new judge stepped in to take over the case and said the father would be allowed full participation in the funeral.

Danielle also stated that she wants the memory of her son to mean something. She wants the court to be held accountable, so that the tragedy of Islam's life and his death will inspire others into action, in order to protect other children from the same fate. She said the judges and the courts had all the information before them. "They must be exposed because they dropped the ball and now my son is dead."

Those wishing to help can send tax-deductible donations toward desperately needed funeral expenses to Strengthen Our Sisters, marking the envelope "Islam Fund" and send to POB U, Hewitt, NJ. People wishing further information or who wish to share their own stories can contact the Circle of Life Organization at 908-362-9526 or Strengthen Our Sisters at 973-728-0777 and ask for Sandra Ramos.